Chapter 10--Forgive and Forget?

Let me get this straight. I HATE to forgive. According to the Longman dictionary of contemporary English, to forgive is to decide not to blame someone or be angry with them although they have done something wrong. Therefore, I always hate myself when I found that I am in a situation whereby I have to decide whether or not to forgive someone. I do not know if it is because of the fact that I am a typical scorpio or simply maybe because I have a "narrow" heart that I usually do not easily forgive someone let along forget about the whole thing. In fact, I NEVER forget. In a way therefore, I really do admire to a certain extent people who really have the immense capacity to forgive and forget just like a snap of a finger. One moment they are angry and the next moment it was as if nothing have happened. Similarly, I also shutter to think of people who may act as though they have forgive someone but are in actual reality are scheming to get back at you someday. For the latter, reverge is what they truly want and it is also one of the top reason why people commit crimes such as murder. They are unable to let go of the inner demon inside them. For the former, although it is enviable that they usually do not have much of a temper and therefore are so willing to forgive people, I am afraid that they may create the impression that they can be a pushover since people might just eventually take their forgiveness for granted.
The question is therefore really, how to create a balance? Under what circumstances should we try to forgive someone and under what circumstances should we chose not to forgive? Also, can we really forgive without forget? Let's take the incident of the Huang Na case. The murderer Ah Hao was eventually given a death sentence. His father went around asking people for signatures to file a petition to the president asking for anmestry. If you were the one being asked, would you sign? To sign means that you have forgiven what he did and are therefore trying to give him another chance to redeem himself but yet to sign may also imply that you have forgotten how tragic Huang Na died. Again, would Ah Hao feel that he is really forgiven even if the whole Singapore had forgiven him but not those closest to Huang Na such as her parents? This example shows that as outsiders, we would normally be more ready to forgive someone for their actions because the impacts on us were not fully felt unlike the victim who felt the direct impact. Let's take another instance, if your best friend hooks up with your boyfriend/girlfriend behind your back, would you be willing to forgive and gasps! forget? To forgive may means that you may be treasuring the friendship with your best friend and relationship with your bf/gf more than the feeling of betrayal but can this really be done in this circumstances? Even if you really forgive them, could you forget? This bring us back to the ultimate question again-Can we really forgive without forget? In most cases, we thought that we have forgiven someone but are in actual fact lying to ourselves. This is because we just cannot forget. Bear in mind that although time may made our memories fade, it will not made them disappeared. A photograph might eventually turns yellowish but the details of the photo are usually still there.Therefore the hurdle of forgetting something that hurts us before can be so high that it is almost insurmountable.

I long for one day whereby I can reach the level in which I can forgive and forget. Yet again, perhaps that day might never comes....


Yours Sincerely,
Yongster